Monday, December 5, 2011

Irrational Fears: Part One

I have a feeling this will be a series of posts, since I have a lot of irrational fears. Today's featured fear: Sock Monkeys

Okay, it's not really a fear, so much as being really creeped out. Like how people are creeped out by clowns (which are a healthy and rational fear, by the way).

Here's my reasons:

1. Traditionally, Sock monkeys are made from.... wait for it.... socks!
Socks that have been on someone's gross wart-infected, toenail fungus-y, sweaty feet. Why would you want to cuddle with that?

2. They only wear a hat. Why? Easy access. Probably because they were just throwing their sockly feces at someone. Or, you know, playing with their little sock.

3. Those creepy button eyes. I have to admit that the movie (and yes, the book) Coraline didn't help in this regard.

Finally, the biggest reason I'm irrationally afraid of sock monkeys...

Those creepy red mouths.

No creature in nature has a mouth that red unless they just gorged upon another living creature. I'm pretty sure that sock monkeys come to life when you are sleeping and feast upon your innards.... probably your soul too. It's a risk I'm not willing to take.

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